we have pet lesbian snakes
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I just sharted jello shots
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