Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Semen is not good for contacts.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
