good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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