I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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