I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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