nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm too high and old for this...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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