dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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