Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
