I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
