Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
