Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
