Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
