Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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