True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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