I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
