I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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