What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
