I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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