im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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