fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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