Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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