i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
