I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
