She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Randomize
