You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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