Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
