we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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