You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
