she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
