Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
