is your mom at the bar?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
