I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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