Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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