On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
