Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro