I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.