I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.