remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.