Texts From Last Night

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  (404): View more from Georgia

  your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona

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  (404): your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona http://tfl.nu/j0d8
  Replies (24) Good night (676) Bad night (3268)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants

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  (816): I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants http://tfl.nu/4wl5
  Replies (40) Good night (4523) Bad night (507)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??

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  (519): i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man?? http://tfl.nu/83cs
  Replies (10) Good night (4412) Bad night (1063)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.

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  (414): filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach. http://tfl.nu/edt0
  Replies (16) Good night (820) Bad night (3928)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding

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  (443): You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding http://tfl.nu/vxqr
  Replies (51) Good night (718) Bad night (7228)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

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  (512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic http://tfl.nu/ja5d
  Replies (16) Good night (4953) Bad night (592)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.

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  (989): I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful. http://tfl.nu/07fw
  Replies (13) Good night (4309) Bad night (1191)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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  (847): Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too. http://tfl.nu/lfcy
  Replies (6) Good night (3597) Bad night (854)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.

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  (207): I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off. http://tfl.nu/j6re
  Replies (14) Good night (1011) Bad night (3039)
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  (559): View more from California

  The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.

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  (559): The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/xrml
  Replies (6) Good night (2961) Bad night (626)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.

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  (352): You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time. http://tfl.nu/k82l
  Replies (10) Good night (2357) Bad night (629)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.

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  (+44): You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste. http://tfl.nu/s042
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (301)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.

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  (229): Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat. http://tfl.nu/64z4
  Replies (15) Good night (318) Bad night (956)
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  (408): View more from California

  My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine

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  (408): My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine http://tfl.nu/4len
  Replies (5) Good night (221) Bad night (421)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.

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  (217): and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear. http://tfl.nu/et11
  Replies (1) Good night (171) Bad night (534)

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