We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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