I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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