I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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