guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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