Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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