You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
