just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
