So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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