Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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