Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
