don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
