Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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