Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
