He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
