I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
