This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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