If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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