I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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