Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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