Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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