Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
