piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
