You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
