i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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