I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
