I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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