his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
