it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Congratulations! We have a period
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