My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
