Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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