I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
