I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
