It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
