I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
