So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
