God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
