Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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