I'm lost and stupid without you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
