I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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