Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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